doubt

I am a spider.

And full of doubt.

Today, I start grad school at the University of Richmond.  (Their mascot is a spider.)

Here's what I'm afraid of in no particular order.

1. FITTING IN:  Whether I look it, feel it, or know it, I'm older than a lot of these people.

2. ACADEMIC TALK:  I didn't even understand the simplest of questions, "What are you planning to teach?" when put in academic words...I think it was said, "What is your content area?"

3.  PAYING FOR IT:  I didn't have time to apply for scholarships this semester so we're paying in installments.  I won't make the same mistake for next semester.

4.   GETTING LOST:  Have you ever been on the U of R campus?  We took a short tour yesterday, and if it weren't for the blue cooler full of water that they put out for us, I wouldn't have even known I was in the same place I started.

5.  READING:  I love reading.  But now it's mandatory.  This first class, we're reading four books.  We get to choose our books from a great list (I've already seen reviews on amazon).  But is there really enough time in the day for me to read and live life with four kids and a job?

6.  BEING A TEACHER:  Now that I've started this, I don't know if I even want to be a teacher!  I've always thought I'd be a good Spanish teacher, but now I'm not even sure if I know how to speak Spanish!  JP says it's too late now!, but I disagree.

7.  PASSING TESTS:  This is all conditional that I'll pass the Spanish Praxis test by April.  I haven't even registered yet.  And did I mention the test is in Spanish?

8.  LESSON PLANS:  We have to make up lesson plans.  After all, I am studying to become a teacher.  Juan Pablo assures me they'll teach me how to do this, but I feel like I'm already supposed to know how to do this.

9.  MISSING MY KIDS:  This is going to take a lot of time away from the family.  Even more, after starting a full-time job two months ago.  They will not even see me on Mondays.  I'm sad.

10.  SPEAKING:  We had a small orientation the other night and at the end they said, "Introduce yourself to some of the professors on your way out."  I couldn't do it, so I just slipped out quietly.

That list is just off the top of my head.  

I'm sure there's more to add, and if not, there will be more to add.  

But for now, I'm going with: 

 Feel the fear, and do it anyway.

go, spiders?